A Slander (Chekhov)
Short summary
Russia, late 19th century. During his daughter's wedding celebration, Sergei Kapitonich Ahineev went to the kitchen to check on the supper preparations. Admiring a magnificent sturgeon, he smacked his lips in delight. At that moment, the assistant usher Vankin entered and mistakenly assumed Ahineev was kissing the cook, Marfa.
Fearing scandal, Ahineev attempted to preemptively discredit Vankin's potential gossip by telling everyone at the wedding about the misunderstanding, explaining that he would rather kiss a dog than Marfa. His strategy seemed successful, and he forgot about the incident.
A week later, however, the school headmaster reprimanded Ahineev for his alleged affair with the cook. Shocked and dismayed, Ahineev returned home to face his furious wife.
"Why aren't you gobbling up your food as usual?" his wife asked him at dinner. "What are you so pensive about? Brooding over your amours? Pining for your Marfa? I know all about it, Mohammedan! Kind friends have opened my eyes!"
After being slapped by his wife, Ahineev confronted Vankin, who convincingly denied spreading any rumors. Confused, Ahineev wondered who could have started the slander. The story ends with the narrator asking the reader the same question, implying that Ahineev himself had inadvertently spread the rumor through his misguided attempts to prevent it.
Detailed summary
Division into chapters is editorial.
A wedding celebration
Sergei Kapitonich Ahineev, the writing master at a school, was celebrating the wedding of his daughter to a teacher of history and geography. The festivities were proceeding successfully with singing, playing, and dancing filling the drawing room. Waiters hired from the club moved about in black swallowtails and dirty white ties.
In the drawing room, several teachers engaged in lively conversation. The mathematics teacher Tarantulov, the French teacher Pasdequoi, and the junior assessor of taxes Mzda discussed cases of people being buried alive and shared opinions on spiritualism. In the next room, the literature master Dodonsky explained to visitors when a sentry has the right to fire on passersby.
The kitchen incident with Marfa
At midnight, Ahineev went to the kitchen to check on the supper preparations. The kitchen was filled with the aroma of various dishes. The cook, Marfa, a red-faced woman with a barrel-like figure, was bustling around the tables laden with food and drinks.
Ahineev asked to see the sturgeon. Marfa lifted a piece of greasy newspaper revealing an enormous sturgeon decorated with capers, olives, and carrots. Ahineev gazed at it in delight, smacked his lips appreciatively, and snapped his fingers with pleasure.
"Ah-ah! the sound of a passionate kiss. … Who is it you're kissing out there, little Marfa?" came a voice from the next room, and in the doorway there appeared the cropped head of the assistant usher, Vankin.
Flustered, Ahineev denied kissing anyone, explaining that he had merely smacked his lips in appreciation of the fish. Vankin grinned and disappeared, leaving Ahineev worried that he would spread gossip about him kissing the cook.
"Hang it!" he thought, "the beast will go now and talk scandal. He'll disgrace me to all the town, the brute." Ahineev went timidly into the drawing room and looked stealthily round for Vankin.
Ahineevs desperate damage control
Ahineev spotted Vankin by the piano, whispering to the inspector's sister-in-law, who was laughing. Convinced Vankin was already spreading the rumor, Ahineev decided to preemptively discredit the story by telling his own version to everyone at the party.
He approached Pasdequoi first, mentioning that the Frenchman liked fish and that he had a sturgeon prepared. Then Ahineev recounted how Vankin had misinterpreted his lip-smacking over the fish as kissing Marfa. He described the cook as unattractive, saying he'd rather kiss a dog than her.
When Tarantulov joined them, Ahineev repeated the story. Then he told it again to Mzda, and yet again to the Scripture teacher. Within half an hour, all the wedding guests had heard Ahineev's account of the sturgeon incident with Vankin.
"Let him tell away now!" thought Ahineev, rubbing his hands. "Let him! He'll begin telling his story and they'll say to him at once, 'Enough of your improbable nonsense, you fool, we know all about it!'"
Satisfied with his strategy, Ahineev drank four glasses too many in celebration. After escorting the newlyweds to their room, he went to bed and slept peacefully, believing he had successfully neutralized any potential gossip.
The rumor spreads despite his efforts
A week later, Ahineev was at school discussing a student's misbehavior when the head master pulled him aside. The head master awkwardly informed Ahineev that there were rumors circulating about him having a romantic relationship with the cook. He reminded Ahineev of his position as a schoolmaster and suggested more discretion.
An evil tongue did its evil work, and Ahineev's strategy was of no avail. Just a week later... the head master went up to him and drew him aside: "...there are rumors that you are romancing with that … cook."
Stunned and mortified, Ahineev returned home feeling as if the entire town was staring at him. At home, further trouble awaited. His wife confronted him about his supposed affair with Marfa, slapping him across the face and calling him a "Mohammedan" for his alleged infidelity.
The truth about the gossips origin
Distraught and confused, Ahineev rushed to Vankin's home without even putting on his hat or coat. He confronted Vankin, accusing him of spreading the slander about kissing Marfa. Vankin vehemently denied the accusation, swearing on everything sacred that he had not said a word about Ahineev.
Vankin's sincerity did not admit of doubt. It was evidently not he who was the author of the slander. "But who, then, who?" Ahineev wondered, going over all his acquaintances in his mind and beating himself on the breast.
The story ends with the narrator posing the same question to the reader: "Who, then?" The irony is clear - in his desperate attempt to prevent gossip, Ahineev himself had spread the story to everyone at the wedding, becoming the source of his own humiliation.
"Who, then?" We, too, ask the reader.